If you’re reading this, you might have some questions aboutSteven Seagal. Who is he? Why are people talking about him? Is he a Bond villain? Some of these questions are easier to answer than others. In part, Segal is a former stunt man and a veteran action-movie star, a7th-dan black belt in Aikido, and the man who apparently accidentally brokeSean Connery’s wrist while filmingNever Say Never Again. He’s also an environmentalist, musician, entrepreneur, animal rights activist, and apparent reincarnate under Buddhist beliefs. However, Seagal is also notoriously difficult to work with, has repeatedly been accused of sexual harassment, and, in unrelated trivia, holds Serbian and Russian citizenship in addition to his natural-born American rights.
It’s the latter citizenship–and Seagal’s admiration forVladimir Putin–that have him in headlines again recently. (He’sbanned from Ukrainedue to his actions and beliefs posing a perceived threat to national security.) Oddly enough, the latest new story had nothing to do with Ukraine-Russia relations, but rather his position on NFL players taking a knee during the national anthem to protest racism and police brutality. In an interview with ITV’sGood Morning Britain, he had the following to say (speaking from Moscow, by the way):
“I believe in free speech, I believe that everyone’s entitled to their own opinion, but I don’t agree that they should hold the United States of America or the world hostage by taking a venue where people are tuning in to watch a football game and imposing their political views.”
Make of that video what you will, but it reminded me of how often I used to watch Seagal movies as a kid. I wanted to bring that bit of really strange nostalgia to you in a series of GIFs and trivia from Seagal’s career, just so you can bask in the glory that is the action star’s declining sanity. Enjoy!
Seagal has been kicking it martial arts-style since 1988 in his role as Nico Tuscani, an ex-Special Forces Operative/Vietnam veteran-turned-Chicago cop taking on the corrupt CIA inAbove the Law(opposite friggin’Sharon Stone!). In 1990, Seagal took on the role of Mason Storm, an LA detective left for dead and out for revenge in theBruce Malmuthfilm,Hard to Kill. That same year,Dwight H. Little’sMarked for Deathsaw Seagal kicking tail as John Hatcher, an ex-DEA agent seeking vengeance against a Jamaican drug cartel. In 1991, Seagal wentOut for Justiceas rhyming Detective Gino Felino (and no, I’m not making this up), a Brooklyn detective tasked with taking down the Mafia members who killed his partner. Seeing a pattern here? Good, because “ex/current-law enforcement/military expert takes on generic enemy” was a staple in Seagal’s career.
Another trait of his entire filmography is Seagal’s particular brand of martial arts fighting. Fairly brutal on stunt people (and Sean Connery) early on, his martial arts moves became much more telegraphed and choreographed later on in his career. Seagal also traded fisticuffs for firearms more and more as his movies progressed. But in the early 80s and 90s, it was rather fun to watch Seagal’s various characters just walk through the opposition with face-slapping, wrist-locking ease. This GIF fromAbove the Lawis just one such example.
Seagal arguably got his “big break” in 1992 on the battleship-based (and Oscar-nominated) thrillerUnder Siegeas Navy cook Casey Ryback. He’d return for the train-based thrillerUnder Siege 2: Dark Territoryin 1995. In between those films, however, Seagal steppedOn Deadly Groundand into the shoes of the mystical environmentalist with the incredulous name of Forrest Taft. (I’m still not making this shit up, but it strains the suspension of disbelief.) 1996 was perhaps Seagal’s swan song as far as I’m concerned. He starred inStuart Baird’s airplane thrillerExecutive Decisionas Lt. Colonel Austin Travis … but only for the opening act; his character was killed off in a self-sacrificial manner. When he fell out of the plane, this is pretty much when Seagal fell off my radar.
But it’sUnder Siegethat most people probably know Seagal from. The curious choice of making your protagonist the cook was an interesting one, and it goes a long way in explaining his knife-wielding skills. (Oh but wait he’s not just a cook he’s a former Navy SEAL counter-terrorism expert bent on revenge for a mission gone south due to bad intelligence!)Tommy Lee Jones’mercenary William Strannix famously squared off against Ryback in a very flashy knife fight, which you can relive here. Knife melee!
Direct-to-Ass-Kicking-Video
But Seagal Cinema did not stop there! (Though a good portion of it did move to direct-to-video from 1998 forward.) He partnered up withKeenan Ivory WayansinJohn Gray’sThe Glimmer Manas the relatively normally named Lt. Jack Cole before returning to a pro-environmentalist role asJack TaggartinFire Down Below. Seagal then took on a role he hadn’t played yet, that of Dr. Wesley McClaren whose tasked with taking down a lethal virus inThe Patriot. 2001’sExit Wounds, featuring Seagal as tough cop Orin Boyd alongsideDMX, is probably the last Seagal film I’d randomly seen over the years. Needing a shake-up in his career at this point, he opted to go by Steven “Slowhand” Seagal in the 2001 filmTicker, in the supporting role of Frank Glass.
But as for TV, Seagal actually playedhimselfas a fully-commissioned deputy with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in Louisiana inSteven Seagal: Lawman, because America never got any crazier than it was in 2009. At first blush, this sounded completely insane because you imagined Seagal taking his years of martial arts training into practice against criminal ne’er-do-wells with questionable legal issues rising from it. (The legal issues did come eventually.) Instead, he sorta kinda tagged along with law enforcement most episodes and once walked the local Louisiana cops through some super slow-mo combat tactics. Boop!
Return of Seagal
For the better part of the first decade of the 2000s, Seagal starred in nearly two dozen direct-to-video action-thrillers that you couldn’t pay me to watch (well, you could, but you’d have to sweeten the deal quite a bit). It was 2010 that started the second resurgence of the Seagal-aissance thanks to a role inMachete(in which he plays the villain for once) and an honest-to-God TV series titledTrue Justicein which Seagal played Elijah Kane,“ex-special forces operative and martial arts expert [who] is part of an undercover police team that carry out an often brutal style of law enforcement on the streets.”
While it’s great to see Seagal play the villain and even poke a little fun at himself inMachete, it’s kind of sad to see how far he’s let himself go in recent years, including a comparatively lazy approach to fight scenes. It’s also sad to see that Seagal’s career full of upstanding, justice-obsessed (okay, mostly vengeance-obsessed), do-the-right-thing good guys is probably a gross fiction. Multiple lawsuits throughout Seagal’s career, though they’ve been dismissed, suggest that he’s got a history of sexual harassment. And that’s only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what’s landing the action star in the headlines lately. So let’s enjoyDanny Trejo"battling" Seagal’s Torrez in this clip fromMachete.
‘South Park’ and Beyond
The 2010s saw Seagal ride that resurgence back to the bottom, playing roles with the following names: Alexander Coates, Paulie Trunks, “Jake”, Colonel Robert Sikes, Gan Sirankiri, The Director, and Decker, all while morphing into some sort of Dracula-haired, martial arts master who no one dares tell that he’s lost most of his mojo along the way. And I kid you not, there is a sequel toAbove the Lawthat will see the 65-year-old return to the role of Nico Toscani some 30 years after the original. (Oh and then there’s the upcoming movieAttritionwhere he plays a character named, simply, Axe.) As recently as October 2015, Seagal was spoofed in theSouth ParkSeason 19 episode, “Safe Space.” But it seems as if the real-life Seagal has now become his cartoon caricature in earnest.
Lately, Seagal has become more well known for his political statements, increasingly bizarre appearances, and international dance sensations than any of his actual movies. This GIF from the gloriousSouth Parkepisode pales in comparison to the original,which you can find here, but it’s still a frightful and delightful reminder that Steven Seagal walks among us.
Here’s a bonus GIF, which is basically me if Seagal ever decides to point his particular set of skills in my direction:
